When you commit to be in a relationship with someone you really love...
You want it to work out...
Despite wanting to really be yourself just because that's who you are...
You find yourself little by little changing...
It is inevitable...
You want to make it work so you change...
It is called compromise...

I've changed. So have you...
We've finally compromised...

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” Jim Morrison


I am in pain!!! (deal with it or go away)

Nobody
deserves
your tears,
but whoever
deserves
them
will
not
make
you
cry

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Robert McCloskey

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it"
~Swedish Proverb

In a dark fictitious mood II

I had a dream... I saw myself seated at a park bench beside you. You had your hand wrapped in mine... We were gazing at the same direction, painting pictures in the sky with captions under it which read "someday." I smiled to myself thinking that nothing can be as perfect as now, not when the moon is there to light our way and the stars to grant our wishes...

And then suddenly a strong wind came blowing through, shattering the dreams we carefully painted in the night sky... I turned towards you for a hug to relieve me of the pain we just went through... I closed my eyes reached out and realized that I was hugging myself and that you were no longer there beside me...

I looked around trying to catch a glimpse of your face... But the darkness has engulfed everything out of my sight... I didn't want to leave our bench, afraid that if I do you won't be able to find your way back home... And so I sat there, gazing at our moon... no stars in sight to grant my wish for your return...

I picked broken pieces of the dreams we made and tried to put it back as if its a puzzle... There were missing pieces which I know you have with you... And so I patiently wait for your return; to once again complete our night sky of dreams to be fulfilled someday...

The wind did not destroy anything... It just created a space, for us to breathe. a part.. a gap that we will once again be filled by songs of togetherness... I can feel your presence nearby... Don't stray too far but if you must ;whisper a farewell to the wind which will take me away to my new journey...

But I am still hoping that we'll meet back in this bench to fulfill our promises, dear keeper of my soul...

In a dark fictitious mood...

If Jane dies, you would not even notice it.

You'd think that she just went out for a long walk to clear her chaotic overly psychotic mind. And so you won't even bother to look for her, not wanting to disturb whatever it is that is keeping you on a roll night and day. You'd just sit and continue doing the usual things you do, all at the same time.

Maybe you'd wait a little for her to return since you think she always come back when her angst or mood swings have been absorbed by others. You then go back to your priorities and during this time you forgot her absence.

Maybe you thought that's the way it is with Jane right? And so you let things pass like those promises you failed to keep. She is bound to come back, you felt so sure about it. Of course, you wouldn't want to be bothered by these dramas right?

Would it take you days, weeks or even months to realize that your so called Jane is no longer there beside you? Would you even care? Would you shed a tear or just sigh and go back to what you were doing before...

You never really saw how little by little she died inside did you? You only saw how difficult she could be at times and its not helping you at all... How can you be bothered when you have your whole life ahead of you, right? But did you try to look beyond her words? her actions? the silence you dislike so much?

All this time you thought she wll always be at your side, waiting for you to be finished. Then again, when one gets finished, two more things need to be done, and so the waiting begins again like a never ending cycle... You thought it was a permanent thing didn't you? Well it wasn't... Now you would realized that what you two had was something you can not fnd again... You had your chance and you let it slip away.

And so in your heart you know Jane will not leave you, she just went out that's all...

But you don't have to worry about Jane anymore... You won't be bothered by her complexities from now on. And no, you don't have to start looking for her now. It would be pointless.

She is dead.
And so are you.