Grasping for air

When all else has been said and done, where do the pain ends and the numbness begins?

Sometimes we desperately hold on to something that we truly believed in but there are times when it seems you're holding on to nothing. The harder you try the more complicated it becomes and the less you care the more painful it gets. And hope... well it used to be part of your system but hope and hoping no longer count.

Even if you want to be yourself and true to your soul's desires there is no escaping the fact that the real you will not make it through... the real you would have turned her back away... the real you would have said "I deserve better"... and the real you would never allow herself to get hurt... But then again...

This is the real world... The real you will just have to cope and mitigate whatever effects it has on your soul. You can not survive insisting that the world adjust to "you" because it does not work that way. Either you let go of your expectations and standards and even wishful thinkings and face everything, praying for strength or you can always do what you usually do, you walk away...

But is that an option? Of course, but the price you pay will be quite high. You will pay it with tears, sleepless nights and stabbing pains when memories come to mind. Knowing you, it will take a long time for you to move on. You know how hard it is for you to let go of things more so forget the memories. It is a curse for you, because you have too much memories, you placed too much meanings on things, assign songs to certain events, name events, mark dates and a lot more... It is your fault, you let yourself be vulnerable, love or relationships was never meant for those weak in spirit... so tell me how will you do it when you do not have the strength to hold on anymore?

Right now, you still have enough strength to hold on. Giving up is not an option for now. The way I see it, there are two ways to go... one, you hold on and try to make it work out, thresh it out if you must but try your best so that when it do ends atleast you will find comfort in knowing that you gave it your best shot... two, well let go now and forever ask yourself "what if" the only comforting thing about this is that you won't have to suffer anymore.

The ball is in your court now... You decide... At the end of the day, it is still your life, whatever decisions you make you have no one to blame but yourself... Look at the brighter side, atleast you are learning to be more human even if it entails so much but you were never the type to give up on a challenge...