Been in front of my PC for some time now, typing words then erasing them... not knowing how to put into words the confusion and struggle of my soul... So here it goes... I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I am at a lost not just for words but options and opinions and other things... You name it... I always believed that I am the kind of person that can weather any storm, the captain of my ship that is sailing towards my dreams... And yet now I am lost. I have no words to say no clear cut explanations to analyze my concerns... Yes, you are right, its about matters of the heart. No let me correct that, I think a heart is an organ, so let me change the romantic perception of the heart into soul. It is a matter that involves my soul...
I hate myself for being like this, weak and all teary-eyed like the world is ending or something to that effect. My life is not my own since 15 months ago. I decided to change, literally destroy the hard wall I built around me for so long. It was the best moved I made because I feel I have matured and have learned to get in touch with my own soul and those of others. I found out that I am an ordinary human being that can get hurt by another person. I am no wonder woman, and indeed sticks and stones can hurt but so does words spoken in a heated argument uttered by the person you shared your soul to.
The words commitment, faith and togetherness swarms around my head. Do I do what is practical or do I follow the cries of my soul... I am lost. I have got to get myself together before it is too late.
But I don't know where to begin...
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